I feel like I've lost something.

I hope it isn't you.

sound advice

I think I need one.

I was never particularly... good at keeping relationships. My first three (two official, one.. well, I guess I was the only person hoping it really was a relationship) were a failure. And sometimes, I figure this fourth isn't going to last long.

A friend told me before that, on the first time we got upset at each other, it was over a silly thing. But don't people get upset over the silliest things? We can't help it. It's practically human nature to get easily.

Maybe I'm really just paranoid. But sometimes, I want to ask how long would we still be together? I'm scared to ask.

Relationships scare me, but I really want this to last forever.

And then there was me.

It's been a while since I last posted. Things happened. There were a lot. I write someplace else, and I write a whole lot.

I've had adventures, gone to places and talked to people. I've celebrated my birthday with my friends and the one I love (technically, I did spend the day with her, even if it isn't physical ;D ) My summer's been fun, even if most of the time, I'm at home.

Let's see, what have I been doing lately.

- I've been collecting Pinky:St dolls. They're about four inches tall and are very adorable. Their parts are interchangeable, and there's just so many combinations you could try out! I love how there are a lot of models now, it means I can go ahead and still collect, although the models here are limited. Greenhills, though, sometimes has limited edition models. I buy mine mostly on Rustan's. Currently, I have two. Pk011/Rui and PK005/Kokoro. I call them Rui and Choco-chan respectively. I also have PK006, which is an accessory set. That means I have two heads, three sets of hair and six sets of clothes, and a bunch of accessories. I might be getting another two dolls soon, since a friend of mine promised me Pinky:St dolls. Note the plural.

- I've enrolled myself in Japanese Classes. I started last April and we'd be ending sometime in September. They're Saturday classes, see. Three hours per class, and there would be 68 hours in total. I'm planning to finish all Elementary courses until I get at least a Level 3 proficiency in Japanese :) Level 4 is the lowest. So far, classes have been very fun! I'm always excited for Saturday. I love the class and my classmates and our Sensei :)

- My girlfriend and I are doing great. I love her. Everyday, I want to be able to talk to her. I want to be able to hold her. You know. Spend more time with her... Physically. It's hard being in a long distance relationship, but we'll make it work. I love her so much.

Mmm, what else. I've been moving around and all. Watching movies, hanging out with friends, all that. Life and all that, has been good.

It could get better though :)

You're not feeling well. :(

These are the moments when I want to be with you the most: When you're not feeling well; when you're sick. I want to take you in my arms and cradle you, nurse you back to health.

I think I'll go crazy with all this waiting... I want to hold you in my arms, soon, dearest. Chase away all those bad things. Make you happy.

I don't know if I can.. but I'll try my best to make you smile all the time. Make you forget the sadness.


You make me glad I'm alive.


I love you.

You know. I really should just keep reminding myself that people are different. We cope in different ways. We love in different ways, and we show it in different ways.

We're different.

We were all born different.

But we can share similarities.



...I still think too much.

:(

I know she's told me that she loves me even if she's upset or in a bad mood.

Thing is, I'm still scared.

I'm still scared.

Scared because I don't know how long we'll last together.

I want it to last forever.

I've never had a good experience when it comes to relationships; maybe that's why I'm scared.

The first three I've had, they were all short.

Short, and the love didn't last for long.

We'd just... drift apart, not even recognize each other's presence.

I don't want that to happen this time.

But I'm so scared.

And maybe a little pessimistic/cynical about it.

Thinking that maybe she's upset because of me.

Because of something I said or did.

That she hates me now.

You know. There isn't one moment that I do not think of her.

Yesterday, I couldn't get online because everyone wouldn't let me.

Because I'm sick.

But I still wanted to get on, so I could tell her.

So she wouldn't worry.

But I really couldn't.

My head hurt too much that anything that emitted light hurt.

If my grandmother wasn't watching over me last night, I'd most likely cried myself to sleep.

And then, I get online today.

And she's in a bad mood.

Of course, the first thing that comes into mind is that she's upset because I wasn't there yesterday when I said I would be.

I don't know.

I guess I'm overreacting on this, but still.

Wouldn't it be better if she'd said she hated me, that she didn't like me anymore, rather than having to go in circles?

I know that this might not really be the reason she's upset.

There's still that probability, though.

And that tiny probability scares me.

Even if it's just 0.000000001%

It's scary.

I shouldn't be thinking about these things. I told myself not to. Because it only depresses me, and if I get depressed I don't get to do things I'm supposed to. And I need to work today.

I guess the best thing to do is let her cool down, and then contact her again later.

I think too much, and cry over the silliest things.




I'd still love her, anyway. Even if she hated me.

Little by little...

...I'm beginning to tell her what I want to say.
...I'm beginning to cast away all these fears.


...I fall for her even more.


Happy New Year, everyone! I hope you'll have a shinysparkly and a generally better year ^^ 2007 is a year of happiness~ Let's start with smiles and a warm cup of hot chocolate.


Speaking of New Year's... I spent the first 9 hours with her. Talking online. Cuddling online. I wish I had a webcam with me. That way, she'd see how happy I was just being with her. We talked thorugh Skype. Saw her on the webcam. She really is beautiful, you know? I love her. More and more.

I slept at 9am on January 1st. Though I know I had my head on a pillow, it still felt as if I was lying down on her couch, myhead on her lap.. her fingers in my hair, stroking them, coaxing me to relax and fall asleep. I woke up with such a warm and fuzzy feeling... I loved it. I love those kinds of feelings.. It was just.. so.. perfect.

I wish... I wish that it would happen soon. Really happen soon. I want to hold her in my arms and whisper in her ears how much I love her. She means so much to me...